I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
