Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
