Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
