his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
