I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
