you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
