I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
