great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
