not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
