the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
