he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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