I want to stick my p in your. b.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
