i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have post one night stand depression
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
