how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
