New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
