But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
