Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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