hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
