You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
