that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
