The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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