I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
