i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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