I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Of course I have a pirate flag
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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