I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
