My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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