So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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