haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
