Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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