I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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