Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
