If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
