Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just gift wrapped bread.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
