Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
