i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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