Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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