Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
