..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
