My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
