i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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