he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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