I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
