Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
