I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
