your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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