i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
