we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
