So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
