It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
