I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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