I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Randomize
