is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
