just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
