How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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