1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
