Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
